Honour thy viking ancestors
Movember is upon us, which means there is an unusually high number of men wandering the streets this month looking like Groucho Marx, or his protege from Storage Wars Texas, Moe Prigoff.
Movember is an act to raise awareness of prostate cancer, a noble pursuit indeed. Less commonly known is that Movember transitions into Decembeard, in which case some men (ie. those with viking blood coursing through their veins) will continue to grow out the rest of their beard, if they haven't started doing so during Movember.
Even less well known and more to the purpose of this blog is the FACT that a beard will automatically make you stronger in your pursuit of muscle, strength, and victory!
Whether a psychological boost or a mystical connection to Aasgard, a beard will instantly make you at least 10% stronger. Tweet this shit
Our viking ancestors may not have had the luxury of Mach 5 Turbo razor blades and shaving gel for their sensitive skin, alas, but they wore their beards with pride and harnessed that untapped well of power to lead them to victory against mighty foes and even dragons! (True story, brah!) For more historically accurate information, watch How to Tame Your Dragon.
Vikings also maintained their beards to keep warm in the hash weather of Northern Europe. From personal experience I can tell you that keeping your head warm with a hoodie, hat, or toque during your training will help you, probably by keeping your core temperature up, since the head is one of the main heat sinks of the body.
Now, let's examine some modern day examples of Viking Power at work in the quest for ultimate swoleness!
While on the topic tapping into your Viking roots to boost your power and strength, Viking death metal and similar heavy ass metal music will give you another 5% boost in testicular fortitude and badassery. Get angry, get driven, listen to death metal and people will run in terror as you make your way through the gym for another gravity defying set of squats.
Put it all together and what do you have? The strongest athletes on the planet!
Strongman requires more mobility and warrants a more streamlined and groomed beard, plus the tacky from a heavy stone loading event will keep that unruly beard under control for you if you're not careful! Nonetheless, when a competition is on the line, you need the lightning god Thor in your corner, because nothing will get you moving faster on those farmer walks than a lightning bolt being fired at your ass!
Where you'll find the brutal potential of beard that would make a Viking proud completely harnessed is in powerlifting. Dave Tate, Jim Wendler, Jason Pegg, Chad Aichs, to name a few unbelievable men, all talk about the godly power they get from the manliness of a beard.
So what have we learned today?
- Beards are fucking badass
- Death metal is fucking badass
- Strongman training and powerlifting are fucking badass
- Harness this trifecta and you will appease your viking ancestors and tame your bewildering thirst for dragon blood.
Remember to share this with your Movember brethren and those struggling to grow a few stray whiskers on their knobby chins. Maybe a little heavy lifting will give them the testosterone boost they need to get that beard 'a growin'. To stay up to date with the latest Kayser Strongman antics like me on facebook and subscribe to keep up with the blog. Thanks!
Fortissimus